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I haven't quite thought about this until the past couple of months. I was always flattered if people told me I deserved great things, or if I deserved a better guy or deserved anything at all. I would sit and think to myself, "Well yes, I am pretty kickass. I do deserve wonderful things in my life."
Flash forward to now when I've been thinking more and more about this because it's been coming up more and more in my life. It's been bothering me & for a while, I couldn't figure out why.
Now I feel like it's a soft blow. It's a nice way of somebody saying, "you're a good person, but the choices you're making aren't the ones I think are best & thus you should reevaluate." That's all I hear now & now it's changed my entire perspective on the simple phase we so often use, "you deserve better".
The reason I didn't realize it until recently is because it's a build up. When people say it to your face, their building you up. They are telling you- whether they mean it or not- that you're a good person. Then comes the blow, you're a good person, but. But make better choices, ones that perhaps I would make.
Now all I can hear is, "you're not so great at making decisions, try again".
When family or friends say it to me, it's one thing. I know they usually mean well. I would bet that 9 times out of 10, they're not trying to put me down. They're trying to tell me something positive. They're typically looking out for me- but the underlying tone is still there. I'm still feeling the judgment & disapproval.
Then when a guy says it to me, talk about a cop out. It's just as bad as the old, "it's not you, it's me", crap. Cue the eye roll.
When a guy says it, I am surely rolling my eyes & I can promise you I am beyond annoyed. Don't beat around the bush, or try and get out of being honest. Do not think that what you're doing is protecting me & my feelings. Do not try to make yourself feel better by thinking that you're sparing me. Because honey, you're not.
Don't think that I am fooled by you trying to boost me up & bringing yourself down in the same line. I now see right through it because it's a ridiculous excuse. Don't try and pretend to be the nice guy, be a man & straight up own up to whatever it is that's going on. I'll respect you more.
So I kept on thinking about this & I realized, you know what? I am the only person in my life who gets to decide what I deserve. Nobody else can do that for me. I am the sole person who gets to evaluate people & things that I choose or choose not to have in my life. I get to decide the value people & things hold in my world, not the other way around. That's that.
Let me decide what I deserve based on my experiences, let me realize it,
let me make my own choices.
My name is Kristina and I'm the founder of Love Struck. Read about how Love Struck came to be, see how I make it happen or just read a random thought I just might have! Anything can happen at our blog & I wouldn't have it any other way! It's time to get Love Struck, and what better way to start than right here!