Dating These Days

Ah, to be young, single & living in a world where most people are glued to a screen of any kind. Myself included too many times.

You might be thinking, well then dating has to be easy. We are so connected, yet for me it's not the connection in the ways I want.

I have a handful of friends who have tried online dating with various results. My friends who have been in relationships for years encourage me to try it.

And I have.

It might not have been a super fair shot, but I gave it what I could. I downloaded a few suggested apps, set up my very perfect profiles with the best of the best photos of me. Every day, I'd log in- usually when I woke up & at night. And I hated it.

Absolutely hated it.

Everybody keeps telling me that I need to try harder, I need to keep doing it, spend more time on them. But why the heck would I keep doing something I hated so much? That made me feel so scummy & uncomfortable?

For me, you don't get a good sense of a person when you click on their profile. Everybody puts in their best qualities, funny jokes, anything to make them appealing. Their pictures are the ones that make them look the best & lets be honest- we don't always look great, we don't always act awesome. For me, it was always so fake & I say that because even though I wanted to be real- it was hard to honestly be that way.

The difference for me, is when you go on a first date with somebody you didn't meet online (and in my case, I have already met in person); you're still going to dress up a little nicer, make sure you're put together & you're always going to try and be charming. Then when you're face to face with a person- looking right at them, you get a sense of who they are. You get a feeling- whether it's something you want to peruse or not. Whereas when I'm looking at somebody's profile, I get nothing; I feel nothing.

I was explaining it to one of my best friends not that long ago who has had success from online dating as she was encouraging me to try again. I enjoy perusing guys & making the first move. I don't do it often because I'm ridiculously picky- so if I give you my number, know that you are one of the few guys who has gotten the honor. I enjoy meeting people out & about in different settings. If I'm attracted to you and there is something slightly different & interesting about you; I want to get to know you more.

It's because when I see you not glued to a screen, I see how you interact with your peers, your co-workers, & other people. I get that first impression in person in which I will base my initial opinion of you on. It is when I get a sense of who you are; face to face, that I want to get to know you more even without reading your carefully written bio on your profile.

And I don't see what's wrong about that. Why people find that my being picky means I'm not trying hard enough. I don't see why I should go on dates with guys I'm not interested in. Why is it ok for me to waste my valuable time to appease others views on my love life? I shouldn't have to hide behind an app on my phone for hours searching for guys that may or may not intrigue me. That does not sound appealing to me., I have other things to do like work full time, run a business, run a huge fundraising event & find time for myself, my family & my friends.

When I look back at my past relationships or hook ups, just about all of them I have met face to face first & felt that there was something about them that sparked something in me. I trust when friends or family want to set me up with somebody too. They know me and they know the guy they want to set me up with. I can hear all about them from reliable people, see fun pictures from adventures they have & get an immediate sense of who they are just based on the people who love him. That's important to me too because the way others talk about you is such a strong reflection on the person you are.

I have not been successful at dating- that's why I'm still single. My friends who are in relationships do enjoy hearing stories from their one single friend & trust me, I give them hilarious stories. I think it reminds them how lucky they should be to be in loving relationships (not that being single is a bad thing- but webs of guys, that can be tricky).

My more old fashion approach might be frowned upon these days, but it's what works for me & it's what I feel comfortable with. I'm beyond tired of people trying to tell me I need to try harder & that online dating is apparently the only way to go- especially when they have never had to do it for themselves. I'm tired of being feeling bad for me because I'm still single- trust me, it's not always as bad as you're imagining. I'm tired of people thinking  I need to find my other half because the way I look at it - I'm not a half; I'm quite whole. I'm tired of people thinking that just because I'm 27, that I want to get married right away & start a family- trust me when I say, I'm more than content with where I am in my life as a single lady.

What I want is for people to trust my judgment, my comfort zone,  my outlook on life & believe that just because I now refuse to download an app to find love, that oddly enough, I'm pretty confident love will come my way one of these days. It's as simple as that!

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