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Ah yes, that's me; the one friend who you can pretty much always count on to be your single, without a guy friend. It's just who I am- and I would say it's just who I am these days, because really, it's been years. So I have officially earned the title of : Eternal Single Friend. Almost all of me has accepted that too.
Now you've probably just made some assumptions about me- I have to have something going on that repels guys. Maybe some heavy baggage, maybe I'm a crazy, maybe I'm not the brightest, or the hottest, or the nicest. Maybe I don't put myself out there enough.
Or maybe I'm just picky because let me tell you , it's slim pickings out there.
But regardless of whatever my largest downfalls are that keep me out of relationships; being the last single friend out of my high school & college friends isn't as fun as it might sound. It's especially the least amount of fun when wedding season rolls around. It's just as stressful when you don't get a plus one as it is when you do get a plus one.
I've been to my fair share of weddings, the majority of my college friends are engaged or married & many of my high school friends are in the same boat. A few years ago, weddings were a mix of single people & couples so I was never so aware that I was dateless. But now being the last one standing, my awareness keeps growing.
When you're invited to a wedding without a plus one & you realize that every other person you're friends with who is also invited is getting a plus one, I won't lie, you're annoyed. At least I have been. When you're sitting down at your table and you're surrounded by 6 or 7 other couples and then you're looking at the happy newly weds, a part of you feels like you've been kicked in the stomach.
It doesn't matter how confident, secure or happy I have felt, it always pains me, even in the slightest. And you know that people notice that you're all alone, standing on the sidelines as couples take pictures or slow dance. I've been lucky that my best friend lets me share her fiancé when it comes to a slow dance, some pictures and so on. That might make it even more sad, but hey I'll take what I can get.
Now I know, I know, that just sounded ridiculously selfish. I'm well aware, but I'm just being honest. Wedding days are not mine & I shouldn't expect for those getting married to pay for me to bring a date or worry about adding another person to their already hectic seating chart. They shouldn't have to remotely deal with my crazy feelings. I'm not there to show off a guy, I'm there to celebrate love & trust me, I do just that.
Then there's the side of it when you do get a plus one. I haven't fallen into this boat until this year.. Yet, so far this year, I get a plus one to 2 out of the 5 weddings I have. And suddenly, I'm feeling the pressure, I've been stressed & my anxiety is suddenly growing. You might be asking why since I just said that I'm confident, secure & happy.
But here I am.
I don't want to be the one person sitting alone at a table alone when I was given a plus one but couldn't find a date. It's to the point where it doesn't matter what other people think about that, it has become what I think about that. Because right now, it feels awful & it's getting to feel pathetic. I don't know if I've ever felt that way about myself, but that's exactly how I'm feeling. Sitting her admitting that is giving me a headache.
I'm not looking for a boyfriend & Lord knows I'm not looking for a husband, but I am looking for a person who might want to spend a night being my date. I find that's not too much to ask & really, it shouldn't be so hard but it's feeling impossible.
Plenty of people have told me to just bring a girlfriend, they're more fun anyway! And to be honest, I have a girlfriend on standby for one of the weddings (sadly, she can't be my date to both since she'll be attending the second). I know it would be tremendous amounts of fun with her as my date, but there is this part of me that will still know that, hey, you couldn't get a guy to come with you.
And other people tell me just to shrug it off & dance my ass off at weddings. Let me tell you, I'll dance my ass off at a wedding regardless- even when I'm feeling so self aware. Would I rather go alone then have a crappy date though? Sure, of course I would. But still, in the back of my head will be that little voice laughing and mocking me.
This is all so new to me because I spend so much of my time not worrying about what other people think & not letting the opinion of others, especially guys, change how I feel about myself.
But I'll say it again, here I am.
Being the last single friend though doesn't make me want to jump into something just to be in something. On every other day of the year, I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy with somebody. I know I'm more than fine, capable & happy without a man in my life. And when that man does ever come along, he can add to my happiness & I'll be just ok with that.
I bet that this whole time you've been thinking things along the line of me being a brat, that I just need to get over this, there are real problems in the world & that I am going dateless because of all those things. But hey, I'm ok with that because I agree, I sound bratty & on the loser end of things, but what I feel like is more than what I sound like.
And what I feel like is being the eternal single friend is starting to really suck.
The silver lining to it all is that I get to watch some of my favorite people get married this year regardless. Their promise of love & happiness on all of their wedding days will without a doubt make me feel happy & make me feel warm inside. Whether I end up alone, with a date or with a girlfriend at these weddings, nothing will change how much I love, love & how happy I am for my friends. That's my real truth!
My name is Kristina and I'm the founder of Love Struck. Read about how Love Struck came to be, see how I make it happen or just read a random thought I just might have! Anything can happen at our blog & I wouldn't have it any other way! It's time to get Love Struck, and what better way to start than right here!